Mashed Taters

RE: Your Brains

2009-10-26T22:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have returned to the blogging world for the moment, if only to share an item found on the inter-webby that I find amazingly amusing.

I will need to find out from my viewers/commenter's (all two of you) if perhaps the humor of the following song is only found enjoyable by a very small percentage of the population. I'm thinking that almost anyone who has worked in an office environment or has enjoyed a good zombie apocalypse movie may find this twisted song make one or more corners of your mouth turn upwards.

Artist is Jonathan Coulton

Funny dude who went from being a computer programmer to putting his crazy tunes on the web and becoming a full time musician.

I think a video shows more of the spirit of the song, so I've tracked down this live performance and the first minute or so is him training his 'zombies' on how to perform their lines, so stick with it, if only for my sake.

The song has also been released on Rockband.

Hmmm....

Blog status

2009-09-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

Status - A serious error has occurred.

Details - Creative section of writers brain non functional.

Result - No update for blog in many moons, recommend finding other blogs to read until issue is resolved.

Markus Naslund Retires

2009-05-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

It appears that ex-Vancouver Canuck captain Markus Naslund has decided it is time to end his NHL career.

http://www.vancouversun.com/Business/Canuck+captain+Naslund+retire+according+report/1559488/story.html

I'll start by saying that Markus Naslund was & is one of my favorite NHL players. Now, saying this 3-5 years ago I'd have the vast majority (if not all) Canuck fans shouting their agreement with me. His smooth skating, slick stick handling and laser-like wrist shot skills were enough to get just about any Nuck fan on his bandwagon.

But in his most recent years the aging "Nazzy" has lost some of his explosive speed and goal scoring ability. This, along with being forced to play a different, more defensive style of hockey, helped him to rapidly lose his perfect hero status among the common fans. Not being able to keep up with past years performances, as well as being part of a underachieving Canuck team and supposedly being paid far more than he was worth, all lead to his inevitable trade (to the New York Rangers) when the team was rebuilt this last year.

I am always amazed how quickly a player can fall in & out of favor with the hockey mob. After over 7 seasons of being a top point producer for the team and being the face of the team, it only takes 2 subpar seasons to be demoted to the rank of "loser with no heart". I won't go into this anymore, as I've already taken longer than I wanted writing this up.

I will say that along with Nazzy's incredible wrist shots, which just about any hockey fan will agree are top notch, I've always admired his goal celebrations. To be more precise, his lack of goal celebration is what I was always intrigued by. Not usually more than a raised hand or slight fist pump, he never had a spaz attack/dancing on ice session that is now commonplace after a sweet goal. Not that there is anything wrong with being excited about scoring a big goal, but it just appeals to me to see someone be so humble/relaxed after pulling something like that off.

Ok, I must stop now.

I sifted though some YouTube stuff and gleaned out a couple worthy vids.

Short video of one of his slick shootout goals

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOuhgrdjFrY&feature=related

Nazzy Tribute -(Longer)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2YlB0A4zwc&feature=related

Farewell Video (Longer)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvKl1w6ccrc&feature=related

The Best thing to come from the 80's

2009-04-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

There is no better way to revive this slightly outdated blog o'mine than with tunes such as these.

Undoubtably the pinnacle of musical creation.

You know you love it! Anyone got another groovy tune from this most wonderous time?

But WAIT that's not all!

2008-10-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

Call now and you'll receive the 2ND one at NO extra charge!

I for one always get a blast out of viewing a catchy infomercial from time to time.

Take a gander at our good man "Vince from SHAMWOW" here and his very convincing spiel for the SHAMWOW towel!

Now, although SHAMWOW does have some pretty impressive features (see how it cleans the counter UNDERNEATH the carpet), I would have to say it pales in comparison to ......

THE SNUGGIE!

To quote the commercial, when speaking of the downside of normal blankets.

"When you try to reach for something your hands are trapped inside.."

Lets pause for a few moments to fully take in this incredible statement.

...

(moment of disbelief)

TRAPPED?, what is it a lead blanket on a magnetic couch?

(moment of disgust)

Are people really that feeble/lazy?

(moment of not-understanding)

How does the Snuggie help in this case if your hands are always exposed???

As I took at look at the end of the commercial(at point 1:49 to be exact), I was looking into a vision of something that had not yet come to pass, but may yet happen to a dearly loved if not guarded from this terribly convincing commercial.

Let this be a warning for those of you with semi-elderly parents who possess a tendency to be unnaturally cold at all times and may also have taken up the sport of needle clacking. In these type of cases, one must be ever wary and watchful in order to keep those loved ones who once did the same for you. Do what you must and prevent them from becoming the unsuspecting prey for one of these abominations.

The SNUGGIE may be coming to a house near you!

Here are some other tidbits of wisdom in regards to the use of Snuggies from some online reviews

"Any person who would make an old person wear a Snuggie in public should be convicted of elder abuse!"

"Yes! Make your family look like a bunch of cult members!"

"So… It’s a robe that you wear backwards. How innovative. Or not"

" if it’s one size fits all - it seems like accidents would be caused by shorter people and children stepping on the blanket and falling. That’s worse than having your hands trapped inside a blanket!"

So there you have it. You have been warned and informed once again.

Also as noted by some diligent readers/partakers-of-free-advice, my wisdom has not been spewing on this ever informative blog as much as in the past. Like I said when I started this source of free online wisdom, I will not merely conjure sage snippets from thin air simply to fill a void space in my spare time. Quite the opposite, as only thoroughly researched and carefully thought out posts like, for a prime example, this one, will make the cut for Mashed Taters.

Fear not though, as I believe more of my revelations may soon be in store for you who are woefully inadequately supplied with previously mentioned wisdom.

Clarification

2008-08-27T17:41:00.000-07:00

Just to clarify, I will give some explanations to these wonderous photographs.

My trusty walking stick,primarily used for navigating the steep trail down to the beach. It has also been used for tickling crabs

A rogue crab found bumming around on the beach, looking for trouble

I give him a friendly tickle to cheer him up.

(Crab in a elmo like voice) "Hehe, that tickles!"

Once Mr.Crab is all tickled out, I simply direct Mr.Starfish to the crab and the circle of life goes around once more.

Here was a lil rascal spreading all sorts of frabrications on the evils of man.
He looked like he was too grumpy for any more tickling, so I passed on him.

I come back at the turn of the tide

2008-08-26T23:41:00.000-07:00

As I have neither the time nor the brainpower at the moment, I will let a few of my pics speak a couple thousand words.

I shall give some details sometime down the road.

The Isle of the Fiesty Crustacean

2008-08-14T21:38:00.000-07:00

- Preparing for inspection of the status of Crab population on Cortez Island

I am off to the Isle of Cortez to insure that the species of beast known simply as "crab" are being kept in check. In past years I, along with my bro's and brave young cuz's, have held the foul creatures in check, doing routine 'cleansings' on the beach that lies on our island getaway. Many a great battle has been waged over the years on this deceptively beautiful land. The surroundings have heard their fair share of blood curdling screams from the poor victims of the infamous 'pincer attack'.

After a few years of shoring up defenses on the beachhead and perfecting the training in the art of Crab-Fu (Training would consist of using a pointy stick, which is continually thrust into the sand with Jackie Chan-like skill & determination), we finally began to see the results of our holy crusade. Our ocean beach was no longer a place of unspeakable horrors and young children once again frolicked carefree on the extremely moist sand. Of course the odd anti crab expedition was still carried out to insure our borders were kept safe. Every odd time a commando crab would dare to attempt to disturb our perfect world it found its sick, twisted body pierced by our lightning quick pointy stick attacks before it even had to make its sinister clacking. This was a time of great peace and glory.

But, as time went on we became more complacent and forgot about the days long ago where the crustacean was not a tame creature as well as being laughable in size and number. Over the course of a few years, a disturbing trend has taken place. The foreign"spider crab" with their extra long and dangly pinchers and smaller shell have become the dominant species in our beloved salty waters. With their smaller shell making them a harder target, they also have increased agility with their thin ligaments and the uncanny ability to strike from distances that were previously impossible with their devilishly long pinchers.

Also seeing as my younger sibs have been otherwise occupied with the training of young'uns at a certain summer camp on a nearby isle,the burden of defending a proud legacy falls soley on my well seasoned shoulders.

I make this solemn vow to myself and any of you who purvey my blog of infinite wisdom.

I shall not fail in my quest to take back the beach of Cortez from the vile sandcrab and its equally disfigured cousin, the spidercrab. With a newly carved pointy stick, I shall lash out in a noble quest to knock back the foul intruders and reclaim what is rightly human property. What was once a safe haven for young folk, will once again be just that.

Of course I am not completely without mercy, even when dealing with as ruthless a foe as the crab, as it is tradition to give them one chance to repent our their sinister ways.

The official statement is,,,

"Do you DARE to defy, ME???!"

...To which the crab has the option to see the error of its ways and deny its only true purpose and back down .*

* If there is no response from said crab or continual foaming at the mouth is witnessed, this indicates a continued state of defience in which case the crab must be liquidated.

That being said, I must now prepare for the great journey which may also involve some form of relaxation as well (provided the crab crusade goes according to plan).

I will bring footage from the front lines if at all possible, in a attempt to bring the reality of the dire situation that I will face to the unaware commoners.

Until then, farewall and may your pointy sticks always strike straight and true!

Sorry, I just had to fit this very weird, yet slightly cool movie poster in somewhere.

Movie predictions & warnings

2008-07-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, time for the first movie post.

This is not so much a full review or in depth analysis of the movies, but more of a warning system as to what I perdict for the movies success and what the movie will bring to the table. This is done with a little research and a large dose of my extraordinary wisdom.

For this time I will start with the top 5 at the box office right now.

The Dark Knight $155.3M (Review)

As I have just seen the movie, I'm not able to do up a prediction, though I'm sure even the most deluded of movie goers will say they had extremely high hopes.

I will say no more than that I was 100% satisfied with the movie and the only thing that you may want to think about before you go to it (because you know you will) is that it IS a darker movie than the first (Batman Begins) as it focuses on much more than just Batmans character this time around. Although it is not the perfect crime/ac movie

That being said I give my review of The Dark Knight as a 9 bowls o'mashed taters out of 10.

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Mamma Mia! (Prediction)

Though it appears to be loaded with stars, it is still just an ABBA musical. Of course if you are a big fan of ABBA, or musicals in general, you may be able to stomatch it. That noted, I would still heartily advise dancing away from this one.

Only four heaps of the good stuff perdicted for this one.

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Hancock (Prediction)

Although inital trailers of this movie idea showed promise it quickly turned ugly upon closer inspection. The idea of a super hero that has a bad attitude and could care less about saving people did seem perfect for Will Smith to play, but it looks like someone goofed between the idea and the finished product. As multiple sources have confirmed the film has been measured and found greatly wanting I see no reason to commit the same act of folly and do not plan to support such waste of talent.

A very disappointing 3 small bowls of potato delicious-ness.

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Journey to the Center of the Earth (Prediction)

Yes, it is probably just an adventure movie with special effects and corny lines. It is also targeted at the younger audience, but so what? If it is good movie making, decent acting and brings a somewhat orignal idea with cool effects then that makes it alot better than 90% of the junk floating about these days. I'm not saying I want to see it, but by golly if someone does go see it, then the man of large portions of wisdom shall not mock thy reasonable choice.

6/10 Tater bowls

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Hellboy II: The Golden Army (prediction)

Yes, most people seem to either not have seen the first one, or can't remember if did, but I believe this maybe one of those rare cases where the sequel is better than the original.
As of now I am solely basing this prediction on my extensive movie intuition (and a certain trusted review site), but I will go out on a limb and say that I expect.... 8/10 for mashed meat of the earth sumptuousness! <----- (If this was not a word before, it is now.)

Now don't let all this info go to waste, heed my wisdom and we shall all reap the rewards of a finer breed of cinema!

China 2008 Olympics + need for mascot = JACKIE!

2008-07-09T22:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, the great Jackie Chan himself has taken part in the creation of a 2008 summer Olympic commercial (first that I have seen this year). Appears that the master of the martial arts/comedy movie is doing his part to promote the games,not to mention VISA.

Of course he is being helped out with all kinds of special effects, but still for being over 50 years old he is still doing some pretty crazy stuff.

(Note the catchy song as well)

Intro to THE blog

2008-07-03T22:31:00.001-07:00

Welcome.

Congratulations, your journey has now taken you to what will most likely be remembered as the blog that changed the way the world thinks and acts in the 21st century. In the future it will be used as a source for all sorts of studies and learning as well as a site of much contemplation on serious matters at hand. Emotional, personal and deeply serious this cyber treasure trove will promise to deeply impact any reader with its grave subject matter and no doubt change their life forev..pfff.hahahahaha

(starts to crack up)

...

Ok, that was very self entertaining. This blog business might be ok after all.

For any out their who didn't get my oh-so cleverly worded way of saying this is not some sappy serious heart & soul searching blog, I will apologize now and immediately announce that my 'blog' is in fact, not that.

That is not to say that it will not change your life or maybe even give you little tater gems of wisdom to nibble on.

Most of my posts will fall into 3 main categories listed below.

1. Wise and noble thoughts/quotes pertaining to such things that I deem worthy

( some may even come from myself if I am feeling so generous)

2. Movie reviews and rebukes

(I feel the need to save people from wasting their money, or more importantly, their time with junk movies)

3. Documenting the strange occurances and happenings of my kinfolk

(a.k.a making fun of sibs & parents)

I think I will try to include videos in most of my rantings as they are most definitely neato.

Now let the wisdom spew forth from this blog as it would from the mouth of one who has gorged on 10lbs of mashed taters and been given a sound punch to the gut!

-End intro post