The Isle of the Fiesty Crustacean

- Preparing for inspection of the status of Crab population on Cortez Island

I am off to the Isle of Cortez to insure that the species of beast known simply as "crab" are being kept in check. In past years I, along with my bro's and brave young cuz's,  have held the foul creatures in check, doing routine 'cleansings' on the beach that lies on our island getaway. Many a great battle has been waged over the years on this deceptively beautiful land. The surroundings have heard their fair share of blood curdling screams from the poor victims of the infamous 'pincer attack'.  

After a few years of shoring up defenses on the beachhead and perfecting the training in the art of Crab-Fu (Training would consist of using a pointy stick, which is continually thrust into the sand with Jackie Chan-like skill & determination), we finally began to see the results of our holy crusade.  Our ocean beach was no longer  a place of unspeakable horrors and young children once again frolicked carefree on the extremely moist sand. Of course the odd anti crab expedition was still carried out to insure our borders were kept safe.  Every odd time a commando crab would dare to attempt to disturb our perfect world it found its sick, twisted body pierced by our lightning quick pointy stick attacks before it even had to make its sinister clacking. This was a time of great peace and glory.

But, as time went on we became more complacent and forgot about the days long ago where the crustacean was not a tame creature as well as being laughable in size and number. Over the course of a few years, a disturbing trend has taken place. The foreign"spider crab" with their extra long and dangly pinchers and smaller shell have become the dominant species in our beloved salty waters.  With their smaller shell making them a harder target,  they also have increased agility with their thin ligaments and the uncanny ability to strike from distances that were previously impossible with their devilishly long pinchers.

Also seeing as my younger sibs have been otherwise occupied with the training of young'uns at a certain summer camp on a nearby isle,the burden of defending a proud legacy falls soley on my well seasoned shoulders.

I make this solemn vow to myself and any of you who purvey my blog of infinite wisdom. 

I shall not fail in my quest to take back the beach of Cortez from the vile sandcrab and its equally disfigured cousin, the spidercrab. With a newly carved pointy stick, I shall lash out in a noble quest to knock back the foul intruders and reclaim what is rightly human property. What was once a safe haven for young folk, will once again be just that.

Of course I am not completely without mercy, even when dealing with as ruthless a foe as the crab, as it is tradition to give them one chance to repent our their sinister ways.

The official statement is,,,

 

"Do you DARE to defy, ME???!" 

...To which the crab has the option to see the error of its ways and deny its only true purpose and back down .*

* If there is no response from said crab or continual foaming at the mouth is witnessed, this indicates a continued state of defience in which case the crab must be liquidated.

That being said, I must now prepare for the great journey which may also involve some form of relaxation as well (provided the crab crusade goes according to plan).

I will bring footage from the front lines if at all possible, in a attempt to bring the reality of the dire situation that I will face to the unaware commoners.

Until then, farewall and may your pointy sticks always strike straight and true!

Sorry, I just had to fit this very weird, yet slightly cool movie poster in somewhere.